Common Sense & Co-Parenting- Working Through Conflict Without Court

Common sense and co-parenting are not terms that are often discussed together. We feel like that is a shame! If more parents used a common sense approach to co-parenting, it might lead to less litigation or micromanaging of decisions involving the minor child.

Instead of being reactionary, STOP! Think to yourself, is this something that I want my co-parent to do to me? If the answer is no, then reframe your approach!

Let’s look at some possible examples of common sense and co-parenting:

Travel Delays

An airline cancels flights because of bad weather and the children are not going to be returned timely. You receive the communication from the co-parent about the delay.

The initial response might be a hastily worded response.

The better approach is to STOP! Your co-parent cannot control if the airline cancels a flight. Verifying a cancellation is easy enough. So, verify that the airline cancelled the flight.

Ask your co-parent in a calm tone to let you know when the flights have been rebooked.

When the children return, ask your co-parent for make-up time for any missed time with the children.

Exchange Delays

There is traffic and your co-parent isn’t going to be make it to the exchange timely.

Think about the situation. You don’t want your co-parent transporting the children in a hurry because it potentially puts the children at risk. Exchanging the children a few minutes late likely isn’t going to cause a problem, in most situations.

Be calm and ask your co-parent when they will arrive at the exchange location. If something needs to change, explain the situation to your co-parent calmly and ask for their assistance in handling the change.

Do not blame your co-parent including telling him/her that leaving earlier would have avoided the situation. The blame game does not help the situation. It ramps up the conflict.

Failing to Notify of Doctor Appointments

You learn that the minor children have gone to the doctor.

Rather than berating your co-parenting about not telling you, ask calmly the information regarding the outcome of the visit.

You do not need to ask your co-parent when the appointment was scheduled or why you did not get notice. You can contact the medical provider and ask when the appointment was scheduled. You can ask the medical provider to include you on communication regarding the minor child including scheduling and appointment remainders. DO NOT take your co-parent off the communication list from the medical provider.

You can also ask the medical provider for copies of records and information for the visit.

There is a nice way to remind your co-parent about the desire to attend medical appointments without increasing conflict. Try something like this, “I want to be able to attend medical appointments. Please let me know about future appointment so I can arrange to attend.”

In a co-parenting situation, STOP! Think about how you want to be treated by your co-parent and change the tone of the communication. Changing a word in an email may change the entire context and reduce conflict.